Can you help me?

I was pondering on my behaviour which leads to my own destruction and what came up to me is my impulsive behaviour.

Am not a great thinker. "Think before you act"
I heard it non stop ever since am born and the times when I thought were more terrible to me than when I would act spontaneously without much thinking. Most of my achievements have been result of spontaneity. Somewhere that also is a by product of impulse.

Asked question what is impulse and how does it develop, or is it a default?

Saw the dictionary meaning

impulse

ˈɪmpʌls/

noun

1.

a sudden strong and unreflective urge or desire to act.

"I had an almost irresistible impulse to giggle"

synonyms:urge, instinct, drive, compulsion, need, itch; 

whim, caprice, desire,fancy, notion

"she had an impulse to run and hide somewhere"

2.

something that causes something to happen or happen more quickly; an impetus.

"an added impulse to this process of renewal"

synonyms:inspiration, stimulation, stimulus, incitement, motivation, encouragement, fillip, spur, prod, catalyst

"passions provide the main impulse of poetry and music"


I recognized that the same thing that leads to self sabotage in me also adds to my creativity and writing and poetry and more too.

What was the revelation is that we aren't able to let go of a certain trait as we hold on to the benefit it gives and knowingly ignore the ill effects.

That is also the quality of a person who is used to seeing rhe brighter side of things.

So now, wish to ask you all

When you are supposed to see the brighter side of things like qualities in others and in events and appreciate what you have rather than what we do not have.

I practiced that always until a time came when my world was surrounded by people who only found faults in others. I started pointing out too. It was much against my natural way of being and I kept becoming frustrated and sick, until I moved out of that place.

I could no longer see the brighter side of anything then until I healed my traumas and set backs through different healing modalities. Again started seeing the brighter side in all that happened and the people associated to it. Well that served me better.

Now... The question is, are we supposed to or not supposed to see the brighter side in our own self and our so called bad qualities?

If yes then no one is wrong and nothing is wrong in this world, everyone and everything have a brighter side to it and we also do.

And if No then, please guide me why we are not supposed to see the darker side in others and the events too?

Confusing?

I have always been since childhood and hence I couldn't fit in to the normal way of people and life, so many such questions used to be running on my head.

Now am able to share it, then as a kid, I would be quiet and feel scared of the world outside. As it was never as it seemed to be, both the brighter and the darker side were different from inside

Found people who were hateful outside to be loving inside and people who were loving outside to be
Hating people from inside.

I never knew and to a great extent I still do not know well to have these different faces. Whatever is inside is outside and vice versa most of the time. Sometimes when I control I become silent and secluded, that's the only way I am able to observe others and not react or respond.

That's an effect of impulse or impulse is an effect of this default setting in me?

Today wish to get replies form those who read. Can you help me with this please?

Good morning :)