Facebook, I joined long back and earlier it used to be like a personal profile where I would share my family pics and the friends I would add would be the people I knew well. The comments and compliments would all be sincere and sometimes heart warming and sometimes give a sense of lack if someone told me something I would wish to hear about what I have written or shared. For example near and dear one saying that do not make it a public affair your family things and they were right in doing so, the person I was then wouldn't understand as I loved to express and for me this whole world was like my own big family. I used to find it difficult to categorize between who are well wishers and who are faking it. All through life have been advised and protected as to not be so open as people are not the way I think they are.
As i grew in terms of maturity and came to know that one can choose whom to share with and not share with people who are just curious to know your stories and either laugh behind your back or talk about how dumb I am. I started living aloof, all by myself a few friends, a few things to share and most of the things to manage myself within me. It worked well and I learned to stay silent and look deeper within me. With family members still I would be that woman who would share everything irrespective of whether they like to hear or do not.
I grew further, into the journey of healing, knowing the self better, knowing how we create dis- eases in our space and how to work on them. Started meeting many different kinds of people, so many workshops, sessions, trainers, participants, books, learning from life and people around and then learned how to share, what to share and when to share, with whom to share and who would not be interested to listen to me or my words.
Now the sharing was restricted yet it was open, depending on the other person's willingness to be or not to be with me. One very important thing I learned in this process about myself was that I am a person who loves to be open in conversations and am fearless to share anything with anyone and which makes it difficult for the people unlike me to digest the way I be. The question then was, do I continue being me or stop?
I took up the latter for a while and then came back to being me. I realized that when I am me, I am free. There is no other freedom in this world which one seeks, not the freedom to work or be at home, not the freedom to cook or not cook, not the freedom to entertain relatives or not do that, not the freedom to share views with all or with few people, not the freedom to write or not write, not the freedom to have many friends or none at all, not the freedom of being right or being wrong..... the only and most liberating factor of being free is Being me.
Now a days I am me all the time, sometimes it makes people feel good and sometimes not. Sometimes people think I am successful, sometimes not. Sometimes people agree to me, sometimes not. Sometimes I am right and sometimes wrong. Sometimes I am able to heal my clients and make them find relief and sometimes not. Sometimes my workshop is a huge success in terms of financial gains, sometimes not. My family members are happy with me sometimes and sometimes not. I am happy and sometimes I am not.
In all these moments I do not strive to make things right or better, I only remind myself that I got to be me, and I am free when I am me. If there was no need of a person like me in this existence I would not have been placed here in the first place. AND THE BEST PART IS THAT WHEN I GIVE MYSELF THE FREEDOM TO BE ME, i ALLOW OTHERS TO DO THE SAME :)
Does that mean we never improve, or not strive to make things better?? NO
Yes we do improve, make things better within us, but not out of compulsion or because other people want me to change. Change is inevitable, but when change happens naturally from within, and not with a seed of not being enough, then the change is permanent and we do not go back to place where we started from. we only move forward with time and in that journey people join, people leave on their own and you hold to no one except your own faith in YOU and Your uniqueness. A strong knowing is always motivating you from within and no external forces or circumstances can stop you from moving forward. There is no pride, no ego in being the way you are, its about embracing your dark and your light, its about embracing the uncertainty of life and You :)
I love myself and I love the people who love me with no judgments :)
signing off for the day...... see you soon again....
